what it means to be a mother

recently i was invited to help out with a site focused on helping single mothers.

i am honored to have the chance to help other women.

i am not a single mother myself, but two women close to me are currently in such circumstances. reflecting upon these women's struggles, and the tenderness of single motherhood, i couldn't help but think about the beauty that is motherhood, whether single or married.

wanting to understand the unique struggles of single mothers led me to find and read some single mothers' blogs.

themes within their blogs stood out to me: how they love being a mom, how things turned out different than they originally expected, how it can be lonely.

the loneliness part is what gets me. i sometimes feel lonely when the hubby is gone for a day at work. and i couldn't imagine not being able to look forward to a loving husband coming home to give my hands a break.

this brings me to two ideas that represent motherhood to me.

1) "mother of all living" - First woman, Eve, was given her name which means "mother of all living" before she bore children. Her identity and role as "mother" preceded her maternity (as noted in one of my favorite books of all time "A Quiet Heart" by Patricia T. Holland). Not only did her motherly role exist before she had children but her gifts, her instincts, her innate desires to nurture, as woman were for "all living". this means all women, as daughters of Eve, are mothers, whether or not they've experienced maternity. have you ever seen a little girl rock and sing to a doll? or play house? her instincts obviously precede maternity.

what does it mean to be a mother of all living to you?

2) mothering/motherhood is best done in groups - i occasionally listened to NPR on the radio. one day i heard one of the British NPR reporters share findings on a study on the social connection of mother monkeys and the outcomes for their offspring.

the findings were that mother monkeys who mothered in groups had offspring who were healthier, brighter, stronger, and excelled in their environments. while mother monkeys who mothered alone, secluded from other mother monkeys, had offspring that were less healthy, demonstrated lower IQs, and were more likely to die young.

don't you feel this principle applies to us humans, too?

we need each other.  we are built that way. it works amazingly well that way. perhaps by design.

so while we can go about and "mother" or give life to all living, let us go about and give life to each other, including another mother, your neighbor, sister, associate, or friend. thus reaping the blessings of what it means to be a mother.

a few women who have been a "mother" to me

grandma howard

my mom

my older sister

my little sister

my step-mom

my mother-in-law

my sis-in-law janice

my sis-in-law kaili

my sis-in-law anela

my aunty allyce

my aunty jo

my cousin erin

my mission mom

if i were to include every woman who has ever helped me, blogger would exlpode. 

thank you all. you've done so much for me. mahalo nui loa.

touching heaven

for a few moments tonight i touched heaven.

the baby woke up and wanted some snuggles. i took him to the hubby's and my bed and we snugged. then when he didn't want to snuggle anymore he rolled around the bed and all over me. this is his new routine to help himself fall back asleep. he rolls into one position for a few minutes, lays there, awake, pondering i guess, then rolls into another position.

i took the opportunity to study and admire his perfect little feet while they were in my face, and remember when he was first born. i memorized the lines that groove his footprint, and imagined the grown man's feet they would become one day.

i let myself soak in the precious moments of his little-ness.  he won't be small for long, and these moments i will never have again. i let myself be still with him. what a funny boy.

when i thought he was asleep, i excused myself quietly from the bed. he awoke and stared at me. hoping i could get him back to sleep fast, i quickly laid myself back on the edge of the bed, my back to him.

i turned just as i saw him crawl towards me and then roll over me, settling for a declined position with his feet resting on my hip.

i touched heaven tonight, because of my baby boy.

i am grateful to be a mother.

37 weeks - brand new from the hospital

about a month old

"the hand that rocks the cradle..." - william ross wallace

tonight when i was putting baby down for bed, i sang him a song i hadn't sung to him in a while. it's a children's song that talks about how Jesus wants us to be happy and shine for him each day.

as i sang the chorus, baby started laughing hysterically. i was trying to figure out why my singing was suddenly sooo hilarious. then my wonderful neurons brought to my consciousness the memory of the last time i sung/sang (? the weirdest word(s) ever) that song to him.

two months back when i first sang the song, i sung the chorus in an exaggerated fashion so as to get baby to laugh. now he remembers the song as funny to him. (bless those neurons; they served baby well tonight)

in conclusion, i've been told that kids pick up on/pay attention to more than we realize. my ten month old just proved that true tonight. i'm grateful we have a powerful organ of a brain to help us not forget. and i hope the stimuli my baby's neurons absorb are good.

i hope i use baby's powerfully formative early days and months well. for "the hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world." - William Ross Wallace 

baby with grandpa

if i were a bird...

if i were a bird... birds are beautiful creatures. i love that they sing. their form of communication is singing. how awesome is that? (at least i assume that is what they are doing when they sing)

i'm no bird, but i'd like to be more like one. especially to be able to fly. i like how birds help start the day well for everybody else. they are most communicative in the morning before most of us wake up. i love that time. it's as if they are saying: "the rest of the noisy world is quiet. my song can now be heard."

our world would be so drab if birds didn't sing in the morning. yet how often do we actually stop to feel gratitude for the song that begins our day with joy?

sometimes i feel like a bird... a little creature in the background that flutters about during the day without getting a second thought from most, but behind the scenes, and sometimes unnoticed, hopefully making a day exciting and happy for those who care to listen.

this blog is a way for me to communicate my experiences as a wife and mother. i don't know all the answers. i'm excited to learn. i hope i learn things about myself in the process.  well, here goes...